Our poor princess Maya. She's been having a really tough time with the whole transition to having a sibling. She wants to be a big sister so badly, but emotionally isn't quite ready to handle such a huge transition, especially being away from the comforts of her own home. The worse times are at night and when she's tired and hungry. She has a really hard time seeing me hold ShaoShao. She wants to be carried everywhere (because he is), but also because she is bombarded by strangers on the street all the time. She wants to sit in a highchair next to Shao at every meal, and gets extremely agitated when only one chair is available. At nighttime, we have seen pushing, hitting, pinching, and just naughty aggressive behavior...all cries for help as she is feeling so "out of control" in her little world. We also think she is feeling very rejected. ShaoShao does not like her constant hugs and "hands-on" approach and often begins to cry when she's around him (although today was a huge improvement from yesterday). The first thing she said when she woke up yesterday was "Maybe I won't touch ShaoShao today and he won't cry"...it almost made me cry hearing her say that. She is also feeling rejected from me as I am now responding to another little one who is in great need of affection. Dom and I hit a wall last night and decided to regroup as to how we could better interact with Maya. Beginning today, I am making time for some special "Maya/Mommy" time. Today, all it took was taking a 15 minute stroll down the street and playing a few games, and she was a different child. I asked if she wanted to go to the park and she said that she missed Kai and wanted to go back to the room.
For all of you who are reading this and who will be seeing us when we come home, please remember to give Maya some attention too as she is really struggling with our new family dynamics. She tries so hard and is really doing such a nice job taking care of her little brother. It will all just take time, I know. We would just appreciate any help to make this transition as easy as possible for her.
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8 comments:
Oh Jen, I'm so sorry. This must be rough for Maya. Being told that you're going to get a little brother and the reality of it all are so different. And she's still so little to be processing this all -- all while being poked and prodded!
In time they'll both find their place in your family. And I think your "alone time" idea was perfect.
Jen,
You won't have to worry about us giving plenty of attention to our sweet Maya. It's impossible to avoid!
By the way, I think I remember a story about you mutilating your baby doll when I was born... look how great we get along now! Like us, they'll get along wonderfully as soon as one of them takes off for college:)
Give our love to everyone!
Love,
Jil and Drew
Jen - I have been glued to your blogspot page since the day you left. I'm thrilled for you all! Kai is adorable and Maya is great big sister. The adjustment phase is TOTALLY NORMAL, and Maya's doing really great, especially with all the extra "stuff" she is dealing with on the trip. Maya and Kai have wonderful parents who are doing all the right things.
Your Mommy and Maya time is a perfect idea and before you know it, you will all be back home. Then, in the blink of an eye this transition phase will be over and Maya and Kai will be fast friends --until they want the same toy, of course! ;) Ah, sibling bliss at it's best.
Enjoy every minute - congratulations on your beautiful family of four!
-Jen and Joey
Hi Maya,
I am really missing you and am so excited about seeing you in a few days, nanny will be at the airport to meet you and I am really looking forward to you telling me about your fun trip in China and seeing all the photos I am sure mummy and DiDi have taken. I have seen from the photos what a great big sister you have been, Kai is very lucky to have you. Anyway darling nanny is going to bed now but I will ss you in just five days and i love and miss you lots. Nanny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jen you are both doing a great job, it is a difficult transition time for all children, but one that is already walking and with a mind of his own is a little more of a challenge for a sibling, plus the added out of your comfort zone. Maya will be fine she knows that she is so loved and the apple of all our eyes, do you remember that first Christmas with Oliver when she kept throwing herself along the floor and how funny she was, nothing has really changed, she has the security she needs with you all their and she has despite her age such great charisma. It is very early and you are both doing it well she does need alone time with you each in turn. Attention is something she will never lack she is such a charmer. Give the children a big hug and kiss for me c u all soon. Love you lots nanny xxxxxxxxxx
Jen,
It has been so much fun to keep up with you all on this trip. It has brought back many memories. Kayleigh has looked at the pictures and decided since Maya was having problems she will too. I told her she needs to be there for Maya and think of how much fun they all will have. She also has decided that she wants to be called by her Chinese name at home now - that is not easy because she is Kayleigh. You guys are doing great and I know that you are so anxious to get home. We will try to get up there - hopefully we can find a weekend before the end of the school year.
Love to all of you Lois, Kayleigh and Grandma
Maya,
Kayleigh is looking forward to seeing you when you get home. You keep being the great sister that you are and know that we are giving you all the hugs we can as we see your pictures. You are Kayleigh's little sister and she is so excited to see you and play with you. We all love you and look forward to seeing you when you get back home.
We love youj
Kayleigh, Lois and Grandmama
Hey Guys
We are sorry to hear that Maya is having a rough time. It sounds like you and Dominic are handling it perfectly together, so we won't try and offer advice!! Instead we will echo everyone else's sentiment, in that Maya and ShaoShao will pull through(and so will you!!). We all love Maya and as for asking us to to pay attention to her, We can only say thank you and Yeah!!. Can't wait to see you all and spend hours playing Princess Monopoly!!
See you soon
Love Auntie Debbie and Uncle Rick
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